Laser Eyes

Tomorrow I'm getting LASIK performed on my eyes. For some reason this has me about as excited as a 7-year-old Silver Spoonman on Christmas Eve that knows he's definitely getting that G.I. Joe space shuttle but can't play with it until tomorrow morning. Surgery is exciting? Fuck and yes it is. You know why? Because it's going to do wonderful things for me like allowing me to play golf as well as Tiger Woods (probably) and giving me awesome new x-ray vision (I think).

Another bonus is that I get to take two days off from work. Unfortunately, I'm told that the day of the surgery I won't really be able to read or watch tv or do anything with my eyes more or less. So I guess I have a day of valium (no I'm not a drug dealer, they're giving it to me at the doctor), napping, and loud music-listening ahead of me. I already feel bad for any of my neighbors that don't appreciate loud Tiesto because I'm pretty sure they're going to have to put up with multiple hours of him. Learning that I won't be able to do many things to entertain myself has made this one of the many times when I wish I had South Park levels of skills in Guitar Hero so that I could whip out some freestyling (or you know, that I could play an actual guitar) but alas, Tiesto will have to suffice.

I'm also thinking that maybe I should start a top-awesome (I was gonna go for top-secret but then I realized it wouldn't be a secret so awesome was the next best option) laser eye team so if anyone decides to join me in acquiring laser eyes, applications for Team Laser Eyes are available upon request. What we do on Team Laser Eyes is not as important as the fact that we do it with FREAKING LASER EYES. Hopefully the next time I see you, I will be able to tell immediately that you too have become a fucking superhuman cyborg but until then, keep looking at stuff with your humanoid eyes.

-Silver Spoonman