Music City Miracle

I have nothing really to write today so I'm going to post a letter written by an incensed Buffalo Bills fan of mine who just had enough of the "Music City Miracle" one night. Sadly, the NFL never got back to him...

Dear NFL Network,

Let me begin by saying how much I enjoy the programming of the NFL Network in general and usually. However, I wish to register a complaint at this time with a program I watched this past evening.

I have just watched your special on the 2000 AFC Wildcard Game between the Tennessee Titans and the Buffalo Bills, and I felt that it was shameless and disturbing. The effort to engage in a revisionist history rather than to honestly confront the facts of the game is startling. While I understand that the 2000 Tennessee Titans "Miracle" play makes for a heartening and entertaining story, and such stories have become an essential cog in the NFL's marketing machine, the effort that has gone into misleading your viewers as to what happened on that day strikes me as almost Stalinesque.

In this particular program, while analyzing the so-called 'backward lateral' thrown by Frank Wycheck, NFL films touted their use of a 'computer simulation' to prove that the 'backward lateral' was indeed thrown backwards. This type of poppycock is what revisionist history is made of. The use of the computer simulation is particularly laughable--I could also have a CGI artist draw me a fake game film to show my point, but that's a long way from proving something. I can Photoshop myself in bed with Christie Brinkley, but that doesn't mean it actually happened.

What makes it so comedic is that you actually have game film. How many cameras are at an NFL playoff game? 100? And yet you turn to computer graphics to make your point. This shows to me that perhaps the cameras don't tell the story you want to tell, so time to go with the 'simulation'.

In all honesty, this program disgusted me. You want to create a rich tapestry of NFL history for your marketing machine, so you have to go on pretending that no mistakes were made in order to protect your celebrated 'miracle'. It's no secret where your interests lie in evaluating that throw. It is disingenuous to your viewers to recreate history to fit your interests. You cannot change what happened in that game, so stop lying to people to fill out your story. It was a forward pass. And while you're at it, talk about how else the officials decided that game, by reviewing Steve Mcnair's run but not Peerless Price's catch! You just can't face the fact that that game--and the great storyline that went with it--wasn't decided by the players on the field but by the officials.

Eventually your lies with catch up to you. The hubris of the NFL will be its downfall.

Sincerely,

W

The Fabled Lottery

Dear Mr. Lottery,

Let me just take a moment right now to say I am not pleased with your behavior. I mean, did you know that I have NEVER won your jackpot? Of course you knew, you are all-knowing.

Last night you drew for the mega millions 216 million dollar jackpot. Maybe you weren’t aware of what I did prior to the drawing. I worked hard Mr. Lotto. I bought 15 tickets, spread across two different respectably established 7-11s at three different times. And for what? I’ll tell you what for. For 8 tickets that matched on none of your numbers and 7 tickets that matched on 1 non-mega ball number. For all those lotto virgins out there that may come across this letter, that means I win nothing. Nothing but a strong stench of destitution. This translates to zero progress in my quest for the lazy, lavish, lifestyle that you so graciously provide for a lucky few.

It hurts Lotto. It hurts even more to know that the stupid jackpot winner is from New Jersey. NEW JERSEY!!??!! That place isn’t even real. It’s just a big heap of garbage. Except now that garbage has laid claim to MY winning lottery ticket. This might be it for me and you, Lotto. I keep giving and giving and you keep taking and taking. This is not a symbiotic relationship. So we’re through Lotto. As soon as I buy those tickets for your powerball drawing tonight, we’re through.

Despondently Yours,

Silver Spoonman

Fellow Frustration

I am frustrated S. Very frustrated. For nearly 3 whole years I’ve been in the “real world” and let me tell you one thing: I don’t like it. How I yearn for the days of college where I could roll out of bed just in time to roll back to bed. Now I get up every day and sit in my cubicle dreading each and every email delivered to my godforsaken outlook email box. Read this, read that, tell me about this thing that I care not for. I do this while monitoring an unfathomable amount of non-work related crap. So really, I’m working double time, reading facebook status’, keeping up to date on A-Rod’s recent scandal, understanding the complexities of bloxorz. But do I see a cent of double time pay for my hard work? Never. I couldn’t catch a break if it was a slower version of Mo Vaughn. Recently I’ve tried my hand at getting rich quick but to no avail. I can’t seem to pick the lottery numbers correctly. I play streak for the cash. I lose. I’m lost. I have nowhere to turn to but my 2 ½ year old 40” LCD TV that is badly outdated and doesn’t even show me a 1080p picture. What life is this that we lead? Why can’t I just find someone that will pay me 100 million dollars to get this? Won’t someone out there come to my rescue? Is it too much to ask to live the American Dream, you know, where you get to sit around and do nothing and get paid for it? I hope to discover the answer to these questions using this forum.

-Silver Spoonman

Introduction

We have started this blog as a way of expressing our frustration at a great number of things that stem from one fact. The writers of this blog are just plain unlucky. We have never gotten a real break.

Allow me to take you through a day in the life. I have to get up early every morning, go to my job, and generally submit myself to the daily grind. And for what? Why do I do this every day? Why does anyone do this everyday? The American Dream of course!

The American Dream is to make something out of nothing. To be born into nothing, to be born into poverty, and then to rise up and become so successful that you have the world at your fingertips. I am ready for my dream to be realized. I have waited 23 long years and what do I have to show for it? I don't own a car, I rent a small apartment, and I can't even subscribe to HBO. Is it wrong to want everything that this great country has to offer?

This blog is dedicated to those who will never settle for mediocrity.

-S