Lunch Breaks

Let me tell you something about lunch breaks. Lunch breaks are an essential part of the workday because they help you get through the dreadful, monotonous, boring day, or, they help you get through the shitty, stressful, busy day. That's why they're great, they help you no matter what kind of day you are having. They are the gift that keeps on giving (this is why they are the Silver Spoonman's 2nd favorite part of the workday).

However, some people decide that they are too cool or too important for lunch breaks. I call "bullshit" on these people. The only reason you should be skipping your lunch break is if you have a deadline of cob (close of business) that day or earlier. All other deadlines are not close enough. Don't tell me you can't just stay a bit later or work a little harder down the stretch. And don't tell me you want to get out of the office earlier. We all fucking want out of the office earlier. But that doesn't stop me from taking my full hour lunch break and damnit, it shouldn't stop you either.

Before I get into why this annoys me, I'll classify the lunching types*. You've got your full breakers, you know, the people always pushing for lunch out a restaurant where you inevitably get more than an hour. Then you've got your partial breakers who aren't bad people they just get a little antsy once they've finished eating their food. Next you've got the non-existant lunchers who don't eat or eat when nobody else is eating. I don't understand these people, this concept is alien to me. Finally you've got the worst group. The desk-eaters. Holy crap this is the worst thing imaginable. I want to eat lunch but I can't bear to be away from my desk in case I get an email that I have to IMMEDIATELY respond to. Bullshit. People can fucking wait for your response until after the lunch hour. And if they can't then they can eat my ass. Ok, maybe I got a little too fired up there, sorry.

There are two reasons why the non-full lunchers piss me off. First off, my lunch break is more enjoyable when more people share it with me. For me, people > no people in most situations. The other reason is that by not taking your lunch break, you've now made me feel guilty about taking mine. There is no reason why I should feel guilty that I'm doing something that I'm supposed to do. And look, the fact is, you'd be better off if you took a full lunch break. I promise, it will create a less stressful environment for you. So you know what, I've got a new resolution for you. Relax a little bit, be willing to respond to those emails just a little bit slower and take your full hour for lunch. In the end, it'll make this world a better place for you and for me.

-Silver Spoonman

*Not all of us are fortunate enough to work at a place with multiple coworkers in our age group. Those people are exempt from having their lunching habits judged and/or ridiculed by yours truly.